Richie: HELLO MISTER GASMAN! Gasman:Yes, hello. I'm not the Aga Khan! Cripes! It's the gasman! Gasman: Hello, I was wondering if I could just read your meter. Episode 2 - Gas Richie: Alright, I'm coming! Alright, alright! Who do you think I am, Speedy Gonzales? (Opens the door and slightly strikes the Gasman) Right, that's enough of that! That's my electricity, you know. You said "Thank you very much, that'd be lovely". When I said "Hello my darling, would you like a Coca-Cola?" did you say "No thank you, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm a lesbian"? No, you didn't, not a bit of it. That's eighty pence you've hoodwinked out of me. Richie: I bought you a Coca-Cola in good faith. "Ugly virgin desperately seeks sex of any description." Richie: Well? Eddie: What? Richie: What's the fantastic idea? Eddie: 'To drink that' I'm only joking! Why not put an ad in the lonely hearts column? Richie: Yeah! Eddie: Yeah, yeah. lard? Eddie: Yeah well I'm hungry, but I'm too drunk to cook.Įddie: I've just had a fantastic idea. Richie: What on EARTH are you eating? Eddie: Lard. Eddie: Pig! Richie: Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig! (gasps) SHUT UP, EDDIE! It’s got a ring it to it! Foxy stoat seeks. No, that is good! Eddie: What about Stoat! Richie: Foxy Stoat? Yeah. Eddie: What about badger? Richie: No, no, I'm more a sort of. Richie: Let's just be economical with the truth. A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is. Eddie: Well everyone likes cheese and onion, don't they? Richie: Of course they do. What flavour? Eddie: Flavour?! Richie: Yeah, there's chocolate, strawberry, marmite and cheese and onion. Which do you think's the most romantic? Eddie: Well Union Jack, obviously! Richie: Right, a union jack tickler it is. What colour? Eddie: What have they got? Richie: There's black, gold, Union Jack and leopard skin. Well I don't think ultrasensitive is our style, do you? The tickler it is. Eddie: Ripped? Who's going to want a ripped condom? Richie: Must be for people who want to get pregnant. Richie: Yeah, but there's ribbed, there's tickler, and there's ultrasensitive. What kind do you want? Eddie: Rubber ones. Eddie: Have me! Have me, I'm a love albatross! Eddie: You've been working here too long mate. Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again? Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum. Eddie: (slaps money down) I'll have five quids worth then! Shop Assistant: Very droll, sir, I haven’t heard that one before. Series 1 Episode 1 - Smells Shop Assistant: Can I help you, sir? Eddie: This is a sex shop, isn't it? Shop Assistant: Yes. 8 Bottom: Weapons Grade Y-Fronts Tour 2003.
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